I'll do it, really this time

LOL, I've been saying I'll retire since 2022.  I should have retired in 2018 when Auntie passed.  My stubborness to keep working cost me my mental health, I'm guilty of quiet quitting (or is is quiet cracking?)  Then last week I meant to turn in my notice to retire.  The current "internet advice" is to not give more than 2 weeks notice, I was going to give until end of the year in order to get my bonus & Christmas presents.  I must do this NOW in order to have a couple weeks to prepare the house for Bro's visit in October.  I've just signed up for my replacement insurance.

Rut roh, they noticed LOL

Yesterday I got called to a "motivational" meeting in Big Boss's office with Mrs HR & the GM.  They noticed my lack of "intensity" in my work.  But Big Boss still doesn't want to "get rid of me." Yes, I've been in documentation mode.  It's busy work.  Not doing anything important.  Just that nobody's coming to me for anything because they don't know when I'm coming in so they go to my Trainee.  He's pretty much taken over all the work and only has more advanced technical questions for me now.

Bottom line is I haven't been making the minimum 30 hours/week in order to keep benefits because of the medical appointments & time I need for dialysis.  In the meeting, I verbally declined the employer sponsored insurance because I have Medicare.  But now I have to find a solution for prescriptions.  But now that I've slept on it, I think I'll submit my 2-week (or one month?) notice next week.  Without the extra insurance coverage, I don't feel like I'm getting compensated enough to stick around.

I've got stuff to do that would be nice to have in place by the time Bro visits in October:

• clean the house
• clear the little room to make guest bedroom
• work out
• clear out the storage
• shred stuff
• scan stuff

Is it a sign to retire?

Just got out of hospital stay yesterday.  Went to ER Sat/Sun at midnight so total 4 days.  This, after having a cold & shingles at the same time despite being fully vaccinated for shingles last year.  Guy took his last singles outbreak as a sign to retire the year Mom passed.  I intended to do the same but there was nobody to do my job & hard to find people with my skills.  Now I've got Kyler all trained up for PCB design, he just needs a little more experience but as long as he has guidance from the engineers like Lenny & Wilton or Chris, it'll be fine.  Yea, Wilton is 70 (same as Uri & Gerri) and he's gradually stepping back.  Semi-retired like me.

Work is like a hobby anymore

So, my "helper" has been working since February.  Mrs HR couldn't find anyone with experience who weren't already making way more than me, duh.  So I've been training him from zero industry experience, zero electronics.  It's been nice to be able to finish a design, then hand it off to him to take care of release.  When he's making changes to existing designs, I've been insisting that engineer sit down with him.

When I have an appointment on dialysis day or couple appointments in a day, it's often not worth the gas for 20 mile drive to the office just to work a couple hours. It's nice that nobody's complaining about the hours I work or when I get into the office.  Can I call myself semi-retired?

I have no intention of letting you go

First chance I've had for any exchange with Big Boss in a few weeks.  He was calling me out for errors that happened over 10 years ago, and they were errors I inherited.  I say that because, yes, I should have caught it because I had redrawn the work of the original designer (10+ years ago) and haven't touched it since.  Anyway, this was my opportunity!  I told him if I go to dialysis 3X/week I can't keep up with the workload.  I said I'm okay if you start looking for my replacement but I'd like to stay until the end of the year.

Okay, that's not exactly a resignation.  Usually at that point they ask for your resignation in writing but  he said "I have no intention of letting you go."  He walked over to his wife's office (Mrs. HR) and told her to start looking for an assistant(?) for me.  Oh Pooh!

Next goal toward retirement

Okay, I can't fail this one, right?  I'm currently doing dialysis two days a week.  I haven't been able to complete a full 8 hour day of work 80% of the time.  I haven't been able to complete a 4 hour day on dialysis days.  I'm always short! Then there is all the times that I take off for doctor's appointments and procedures.

Sometimes there's talk of increasing my dialysis from 2 days to 3.  I think if that happens, I won't be able to keep up with my workload.  Actually, my workload isn't too bad right now.  My real issue is the way Big Boss talks to me in an accusatory way (he talks to everyone that way, not just me) but he changes his tone when he realizes I have all my ducks in a row.  I'm always right.  The Old Boss used to shield me from that--I still miss him, not just for that.  THAT is my ticket out.

I have help!

...so maybe I don't have to retire.  This gets the monkey off my back.  More than just offering to help, this tiger is actually setting a time to help.  If I can actually clear the rooms, I don't have to retire, although it's often the company environment that makes me dream of retiring early.  I still enjoy the work and nobody's bothering me about my irregular hours.  My deadlines are more often self-imposed.

So hard to retire despite the desire

I have my 13 year work anniversary in 3 days.  I expect I'll be having my annual review before they hand me my Friday paycheck.  I've had alot of health issues (3 surgeries) since my last post.  As much as I wanted to retire before the end of 2022, my PD port stopped working on Christmas and for the next 3 weeks I was trying to get it fixed but I was hampered by a change in employer-sponsored insurance that happened on Dec 1.  Short story: they took out the PD port & put in a temporary HD port.  There are still lots of advantages to employer insurance vs Medicare, however I had a rude awakening when I got my prescriptions this month.  My co-pay was over $500 !!  So maybe it's time for Medicare to take over with a Medicare supplement.  I have to quit employer insurance for Medicare to start paying anything.

So this week will be my next opportunity to quit and it'll be that much easier if GM does a review without kid gloves.  We had an argument last week.  Big Boss is making it so hard, though.  In his attempt to show (company) support, he quietly has been paying my full salary since I ran out of paid time off.  After Mrs HR Boss told me, I told her I'm in a good place so I won't be living in a van down by the river.  The other thing is, without a hard schedule I'm afraid I'm going to sleep my days away as I currently do my weekends.  I'm also going to miss the socialization.  I'm going to have to find a weekly meeting group or something.

edit: No annual review.  I forgot paychecks are now direct deposit.  Big Boss & Mrs HR Boss left early.  GM had visiting customers to attend to.  Dammit, how am I going to quit?

End of the year

I finally have everything in place to retire from working full time, yet I hesitate.  Right now my excuse is to see if I get paid the bonus for busting my butt in June, culminating in end stage renal failure first week of July.  I'm not holding my breath, I fully expect them to deny that I made the goals and present the bonus as what I would have gotten anyway at the end of the year, basically the equivalent of an extra paycheck.  

I'm thinking of giving 4 month notice in January.  Then I will be old enough to withdraw from 401k's and IRA's without penalty.  I don't want to be like (boss) Jim or Auntie Lulu and die 2 months after I retire.  Even though I can't travel anymore...well, technically, I can travel, though domestic would be easier than international, but it takes like 6 month of planning to get supplies delivered to my destination--for what, a week?  Then I would have to hand carry the dialysis machine (35 pounds, 2 ft x 2 ft x 8 in) and risk coming across ignorant airline workers who would have me check it in.  I think I'll just wait the 2 to 5 years and pray for a transplant.  Supposedly, I could even do cruises while on dialysis but it's alot of logistics to carry 7-10 days of dialysate -- and where would it go in the cabin?  Those rooms are tiny!

What does retirement look like?

• Wake up, have coffee
• Go to the gym (M-F, 2 hrs/day)
• Home to shower
• 1st goal is to end probate
• 2nd goal is to end Mom's storage unit
• 3rd goal is to create guest bedroom #1
• 4th goal is to create guest bedroom #2 / dialysis supply storage
• 5th goal is to create space in my bedroom for a Lazy-Boy next to the dialysis machine
• 6th goal is to be able to park a car in my garage.  Then I'll get a new car.

I estimate this to take 1-2 years.  I don't have the energy to do this while I work full time.  Making space is to recover my mental health that started going downhill when Mom moved in with all her stuff.  I remember in 2009 crying in frustration that I don't want to live in a warehouse.  It fell on deaf ears so I had to take vacations inside my own head.  Yet here I am still living in a 25% of my of my whole house and two-car garage.

So much for convergence

I was waiting for the Boss to come back from the holiday break.  Last week we got the news that he had passed.  I will miss him.  He was such a wealth of knowledge, but moreso, he was a gentleman.  He diverted the toxicity away from me.  The other managers don't realize or acknowledge my value just for my primary job, not even including all the other stuff I do outside of that.

I was scheduled for cataract surgery for this past Monday but I didn't pass my pre-op appointment, so it has been rescheduled for March and I'll be done with follow-up appointments in April.  That was only one issue for which I need health insurance.  Next, I have a CPAP machine coming.  But...well they say they'll bill me for 10 months before it's mine outright.  Insurance is covering 50% but they don't like to release the funds all at one time, so they probably won't allow me to pay for it and be done with it.  Ugh, I hope I don't have to stay at work for another 10 months.  I'm so jealous of my little brother who was able to retire because he gets a pension and his healthcare premiums are covered 75%.